I don't have "irrational fears." My fears are based on careful consideration of fact and Discovery Channel specials. A better term would be "improbable fears." As in, the odds of scientists cloning a Tyrannosaurus rex and it escaping to terrorize the Upper East Side are very slim. Or that my foot would get bitten off by a shark as I was bodysurfing off the Jersey Shore, since I never go in the ocean (because of the sharks).
I do have a new fear to add to my improbable collection. Since I moved to an apartment around the corner from a Duane Reade, I will occasionally venture out to get some sort of dessert-type food.
My fear is that some absurd accident will befall me as I walk back home, and when the police find my body the next morning with my coat pockets full of Cadbury eggs, the following exchange will happen:
Detective A: Went out for a midnight snack, and wound up dead.
Detective B: It's like my wife says--sweets will kill you.
(puts on sunglasses)
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